My Pie Crust is Life.
Do you want to make a great pie crust. I used a period there because this really isn't a question. Of course you do. So do these things I'm telling you to do here:
Get all these things:
2 cups flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons of chilled butter (cut into small pieces)
6 tablespoons of chilled Crisco (yes, Crisco. yes, the brand matters.)
Pour that flour into a big ass bowl. Put the sugar and salt in next. mix that up with a whisk.
Add 3 tablespoons of butter, and 3 tablespoons of Crisco .
Use a pastry knife to cut the butter into the flour. If you don't have one, open up the drawer and get the whisk back out and use that. It's pretty much the same thing. They're both curvy metal things. You'll be fine
Here's the tricky part, champ: you can NOT touch the fats (butter/Crisco) with your fingers. I know we've all got some ancient auntie that makes crust by crumbling the fat up with some flour-dipped fingers, and it's awesome. I know.
But fuck that. This is better.
Once the flour looks crumbly, repeat the technique with the remaining butter and Crisco. You should have a bowl of small pebbles of varying sizes by now. Add cold water to the mixture slowly until a dough forms. Shape it into a ball, cover it with plastic wrap, and put it in the fridge for at least an hour. After that, use for your favorite pie or quiche.
Listen. You will fuck this up. Maybe not on the first try, but you will. Don't worry, you'll know what you did wrong. You'll learn and make a better crust.
And then you'll fuck it up again. Not because you made the same mistake twice, but because you didn't think that you could make another. But you'll learn. And you'll make even better crusts.
Until you fuck it up again. This time you DID make that first mistake again, and then a whole brand new one (I TOLD you that Crisco matters!!!). But now you know ...
You've learned ...
Making pie crust is simple, but it's not easy. Some of your crusts will be perfect, but many will suck.
Try not to care about that.